The Layabout’s Guide to: Domesticity

Welcome to The Layabout’s Guide to Life! Learn how to expend just enough effort to fool a casual observer into thinking that you have your shit together! Here’s some tips for avoiding housework:

  1. Put everything in the dishwasher. Like, everything. Shove it in there like you’re playing Tetris. If I had super fancy china or something I might hand-wash, but I don’t… Because then I would have to hand-wash. For those horrible items that you must wash by hand, buy a drying rack and let ‘em air dry.

  2. Put everything in the washing machine. Like, everything. Ignore instructions to hand-wash-only, or to use a separate “delicate” cycle, or to have angels gently scrub the fabric with the flapping of their holy wings. If something can’t survive a regular cycle in one of those mesh bags, it doesn’t belong on your body because it is WEAK.

  3. Do you know how many times you can re-wear a pair of jeans before washing? It’s a lot.

  4. Clumsy in the kitchen? Keep a Floor Towel™ around. A Floor Towel™ is a dishtowel that has gotten dirty enough to replace before laundry day. Rather than throwing that towel in a laundry hamper like a normal human adult, toss it on the floor and use it to wipe up spills with your foot. In time, the convenience will numb your disgust. Embrace that numbness.

  5. Dogs are the original Roomba.

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#REBRANDING

So it’s been… a while.

I almost stopped in and deleted Farmpartment a few times over the past year & a half, but mercy stayed my hand, I guess. To be honest, I kept it around largely because I know I like to write, and that I’d eventually get the bug again, and also that I would probably be too lazy to restart if I had to set up a whole new deal. (True on all counts.)

First attempt really petered out because of the original concept: something along the lines of “Green Living, Cooking, Real Food, Et Cetera,” which (let’s be real) is all-the-hell-over the Internet already. And while I’m certainly interested in that sort of thing, I’m far from a Guru, and trying to come up with a bunch of advice-y posts felt unnatural and a bit disingenuous. I was trying to imitate a “type” of blog, and that isn’t satisfying.

Plus, over the past couple years I’ve been having this whole big Existential Crisis about how I am supposed to be a grown-up now, and how I have no idea how to do that, and how I have to find something that I can do for money that doesn’t make me want to fling myself off something high, and how this is a problem because I got a degree in the wrong field and am completely unqualified to do anything else. Existential Crises are very time consuming.

But as previously mentioned, I do like to write. A lot. I also like to draw a lot. And I think it is good for me to write, and draw, because I’m kind of terrible at processing my thoughts in any other way. Sometimes I favor one over the other, or combine them. Lately I go long stretches without doing either. But I’ve realized lately that I am happiest when I am creating and consuming words and pictures voraciously, at every opportunity, and that’s been true since I was doodling in the margins of my homework and walking home from school with my nose in a book (Literally. I literally did that. I don’t know how I survived to adulthood.). Despite all my efforts to be practical, it turns out I am actually A Creative Soul.

So what does all that nonsense mean for you, Theoretical Reader?

It means I am going to put words here again, and pictures too, on a regular basis. They will not all be related to “Green Living, Cooking, Real Food, Et Cetera.” The name Farmpartment will no longer make thematic sense. It will, however, continue to be an adorable portmanteau. There will be some words and pictures about crafting, and plants, and dogs, and Existential Crises, and depression, and art, and whatever else strikes my fancy. There will probably be an inordinate number of words and pictures about Sleepy Hollow. Some of them will be funny, some poignant, some angry, all sincere, all mine.

Maybe they’ll coalesce into a “theme” eventually. Maybe not. Maybe people will look at them. Maybe they will like them.

Guess I’ll find out.