The Layabout’s Guide to: Beauty

Welcome to The Layabout’s Guide to Life! Learn how to expend just enough effort to fool a casual observer into thinking that you have your shit together! This time we’re focusing on the ladies… Here’s some tips for gettin’ pretty-ish after you’ve slept through your alarm:

  1. Did you know it’s actually better for your hair if you shampoo less often? As in, ideally like twice a week. I can’t go more than a day before I start looking like Kristen Stewart on the red carpet. (If I sleep in, dry shampoo and tight ponytails are my friends) But if you’ve got better luck than I do and you’re just shampooing daily because you feel like you should… Guess what, you’re off the hook!

  2. One lazy hair hack I have been able to employ: it’s also better for your hair to brush it less often! I was always an obsessive brusher, but I’ve decided to embrace the natural messy-wavy look as much as my limp ol’ locks allow, and traded constant brushing for only post-shower detangling with a wide-toothed comb. Drove me crazy for a while, but once my hair started growing out under this treatment, I discovered to my delight that it was WAAAAAY healthier! My fine hair is delicate, so less pulling means less breakage & frizz. (Stopped pulling my hair ties so tight too, which has also made a difference)

  3. Know how to prioritize your makeup. When you’ve got limited time and can’t do your whole routine, which components have the most impact for your face? My musts are foundation/coverup (bad skin; I doubt I’ve left the house with a clean face since I was 12), eyeliner or mascara, and eyebrow pencil. I just recently discovered the miracle of done-up eyebrows… They do wonders on my face, since my brows are really prominent.

  4. Pick out your outfit for the next day before you go to bed. I know it feels a little bit First Day of School, and it seems like it should take the same amount of time whenever you do it, so what does it matter? Trust me, Evening Amy can pick out an outfit in like a minute, but Morning Amy takes foooorrreeeeevvver to decide. (Not a beauty tip… But same goes for gathering anything you need for the day, packing a lunch, and prepping breakfast if possible)

  5. SLEEP. (This is taking the Layabout thing pretty literally) There is a reason why it’s called “beauty sleep,” and that reason is neither Sarcasm nor Opposite Day.

The Layabout’s Guide to: Domesticity

Welcome to The Layabout’s Guide to Life! Learn how to expend just enough effort to fool a casual observer into thinking that you have your shit together! Here’s some tips for avoiding housework:

  1. Put everything in the dishwasher. Like, everything. Shove it in there like you’re playing Tetris. If I had super fancy china or something I might hand-wash, but I don’t… Because then I would have to hand-wash. For those horrible items that you must wash by hand, buy a drying rack and let ‘em air dry.

  2. Put everything in the washing machine. Like, everything. Ignore instructions to hand-wash-only, or to use a separate “delicate” cycle, or to have angels gently scrub the fabric with the flapping of their holy wings. If something can’t survive a regular cycle in one of those mesh bags, it doesn’t belong on your body because it is WEAK.

  3. Do you know how many times you can re-wear a pair of jeans before washing? It’s a lot.

  4. Clumsy in the kitchen? Keep a Floor Towel™ around. A Floor Towel™ is a dishtowel that has gotten dirty enough to replace before laundry day. Rather than throwing that towel in a laundry hamper like a normal human adult, toss it on the floor and use it to wipe up spills with your foot. In time, the convenience will numb your disgust. Embrace that numbness.

  5. Dogs are the original Roomba.